It Wasn’t All Bad
Its the end of the year. The end of one of the most difficult periods of my life. This year has been a roller coaster for me. I’ve shifted between periods of near irrational positivity & absolute bleakness. I wasn’t depressed, I just couldnt see a way out of my current situation. I had to face the fact that not only was nearly every decision I ever made the wrong one, but that I was incapable of making the right one. My life has been a constant struggle to fit in. Coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never quite know what its like to fit was hard, but I’m getting there. Therapy helps.
A majority of the problems I’ve faced this year were financial. Since I’m unable to work at the moment I had no income, I’ve come very close to homelessness a few times this year. There are few things worse than uncertainty to us Aspies. Having to constantly worry about the locks being changed can take its toll on you.
It hasn’t all been bad though. Even though its been hard, there have been bright spots. I’ve started to notice improvement in myself. Its comforting to know the therapy has been working. I’ve also gotten out a few times and come across some amazing people. People I’ve been fans of and looked up to for years. I went on Sinnamon Love’s radio show to talk about living with Aspergers. As some of you know she was a big part in helping me get diagnosed. No matter what the question was or what time of day or night it was she would take time to talk to me. She was just as sweet in person. Lots of people talk a lot about spreading love and positivity everywhere they go, but few actually mean it. She truly lives by that. She’s a phenomenal woman.
BTW, I got a hug too. A good one.
I also got the chance to finally meet my favorite emcee ever. After months of talking via twitter and email, I got to hang out with Brother Ali. He hooked me up with VIP passes to his show back in September. Not only was he amazing in concert, he’s an incredibly nice person. I expected to be given a handshake, be told “thanks for being a fan and buying my shit” before being directed out of the venue. But he embraced me like family. Introduced me to his people as his brother. He even told the people there to check out my blog. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I’ve never felt cooler.
I also got to talk MMA with rapper/author/producer/MMA fan Blueprint. Brother Ali knew Blueprint was into MMA and told him to check out my blog. After a few months of chatting it up on Twitter we decided to work on a Podcast. Its a slow process but considering he may be the busiest man on earth Im honored that even took time to talk to me lol. He’s one of the coolest, smartest and most down to earth guys I’ve ever spoken to.
The best part about this year though has been growing closer to the woman I love. Being diagnosed made me realize just how lucky I am to have someone as amazing as her in my life. She’s stuck with me through everything. No matter how hard things get she’s always there with a soft place to lay my head. Her support means the world to me. I’m not sure I would have had the strength to get out of bed without her. Seeing her face gave me a reason to keep going.
I know its cliche to say that next year will be my year, but I truly believe it will be. For the first time in years I’m looking forward to getting up and accomplishing things. I want to be productive and I want the people that have supported me that their efforts haven’t been in vain.